Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
