I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
