Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
