I want to have your abortion
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
