The maid of honor just puked.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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