I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You dont lie about slip and slides
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
