Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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