you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
