Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize