we have pet lesbian snakes
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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