fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
