I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
