I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
