Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
