it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
