we have pet lesbian snakes
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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