Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
