Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
