I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
