just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
