I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
