whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
