before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
