Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
