I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
