drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize