3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
