if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
there is puke in my bra ... again
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