i think i have herpe
just one?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
