he wants to bone in the snuggie
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
