Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
