I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
