I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
