he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
