Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize