sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
