Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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