My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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