Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
