somebody snuck up and got me drunk
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize