I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
that may or may not have been my penis.
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