fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
