One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
