3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
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