My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
