Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
