that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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