Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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