Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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