First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
