there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
