I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I would ride that face into the sunset
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
