Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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