Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
