Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
