Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
