I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
