i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
