is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize