I think my vagina is haunted
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
