all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize