I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
