i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
