Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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