he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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