i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
