It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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