guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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