that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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