life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
