If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
