Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Vodka?
Forever.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
