Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize