I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
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