There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
