Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
