when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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