You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
accomplished twins. life is a go
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
