Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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