when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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