Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
