Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
