The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
