We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Let's paint friendship bongs
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
