How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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