we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
