How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
