I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
