I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
