My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
