i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
