So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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