Only a mothe r could love this liver
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
