my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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