I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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