She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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