Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
