last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
