who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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