I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he was CRYING into my vagina
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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