I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
