I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Also, beer. Big fan.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
